So many talk about how they value honesty, but when it comes down to it, if the honesty received is too uncomfortable,
most close off, feeling hurt or offended
Even when the honesty was invited, and shared with care
If the honesty is not in resonance with our current beliefs (programming)
if it triggers our unhealed parts
if it demands us to take self-responsibility and ownership
if it demands us to change and grow
Then we really don’t want to hear it
Most only want the “honesty” that feels comfortable, safe, and validating.
Because that “feels good”
Let’s keep ignoring what needs to be faced…Shall we?
What about the act of being honest with others?
Sugar coating and people-pleasing is easy
Having a hard and honest conversation with someone can be tough
Saying no can be strenuous
Saying yes can be challenging
Setting that needed boundary can be triggering
Being vulnerable, open, and transparent can be frightening
Genuinely caring enough about oneself and others
to speak up and say what needs to be said (even though it can hurt)
takes guts, love, and maturity
Maybe honesty that is uncomfortable to share and hard to hear
holds the most potential value for us
It’s a catalyst for creating higher-quality relationships
with oneself and others
If we choose it
The difficulty and discomfort that honesty can present us
will with time and practice
alchemize into courage and confidence
Being honest doesn’t mean that we have to share everything we think and feel, all of the time
That is oversharing
and a shows that we lack internal boundaries (emotional, mental, and energetic)
It’s also a waste of energy
Energy conservation is key.
There is no need to show all of our cards to everyone all of the time
Not everything needs to be uttered
But, if the line is crossed
there is no holding back
If honesty creates conflict in a relationship
then that conflict can also be a gift
a potential catalyst for the betterment of that relationship
or the ending of its current form.
Some relationships need to evolve
or they will end
Some relationships need to end
for all involved to evolve
Honesty is not black or white
Do we understand it fully?
Sometimes we have to weigh our words
Be “street smart”
in circumstances where we need to protect ourselves and/or others
from some form of potential harm, hurt, or threat from an external source
To hold back and lie in this circumstance
can be right thing
and the wise thing to do
if one knows that 100% honesty is dangerous in given situation
Honesty with self
is often overlooked
Telling ourselves lies that make us feel better in the moment
doesn’t take away the self-harm
and the negative ripple effect
that comes from neglecting and abandoning oneself
Because lying to oneself is self-abandonment
My Personal Experience
Being honest has been something that I’ve had to work hard on. I grew up with parents that could punish me physically, verbally, with silent treatment, etc. when I was open and honest, and said things they didn’t like or approve of. This could happen even when I was asked to be honest. So, I early on linked honesty with conflict and punishment, I also linked it through hurting others. And, I didn’t like to hurt others (my mom tended to act hurt whenever I spoke against her, which led to silent treatment, and that was very uncomfortable for me as a child). Obviously, when others used the silent-treatment, it was I who had done something wrong, right?? Silent treatment has nothing to do with manipulation, right?? Even though, most don’t think of silent treatment as manipulation, that is what it is. Yes, some might do this when they genuinely feel hurt about something, and they “close off” to protect themselves, but think they deep inside want the other person to suffer too. Few will admit this. But if we are honest… Whatever the reason, the silent treatment is an immature and manipulative behavior. Mature communication is always an option. But I digress.
Honesty and pain/hurt are not synonymous, I know that now. But as a child, I learned to please others to avoid getting into trouble. It wasn’t before 2010 that I started my journey to untangle myself from old trauma and programming, slowly but surely, from this pattern.
While doing inner work (trauma healing and deprogramming from limiting beliefs) in this life and past lives, I noticed that being honest; standing up for what is right, speaking out against injustice, choosing courage over cowardice, has led to me being killed in many past lives. Speaking up is not popular. Especially when it threatens the establishment/matrix.
Now, after 12 years, especially being challenged on speaking up the last three years, in all facets of my life, I can say that I am very satisfied with where I am now. I can still feel some discomfort when I speak up, when I stand my ground, or when I confront others with a boundary, when I say things that I know will sting – but when it is the right thing to do, then I do it despite the potential conflict. The standard is raised, and there is no going back!
Doing the right thing is not always the nice thing. – Robert Glover
Discomfort is continuously transmuted into courage and confidence, when we speak and act. Which means we are evolving. It´s becoming easier. We are becoming stronger. More aligned our power and purpose. It’s a journey, and I don’t think that there is an end destination for none of us as long as we are here on earth. There will come situations that challenge us, no matter how “far” we have come in our mental, emotional, and spiritual evolution, because we don’t create reality solely by ourselves. We co-create reality with others. Other people’s thought, emotions, choices, behavior, and actions affect your life. Sometimes in a big way, sometimes in a small way. In my opinion and experience, it’s best to do inner work (trauma work, shadow work, deprogramming from limiting beliefs), attain essential knowledge and self-awareness. take self-responsibility, and step into self-leadership.
Questions For Self-Awareness and Growth
On a scale from 0 – 10
0 = it is hard for me to be honest and transparent
10 = it is natural for me to be honest and transparent
- Where do you think/feel you are on this scale? Make an approximate guess.
- What do you find the most challenging about honesty? Why is that so?
- If you overcame that challenge, how would you behave differently? How have you changed?
- How can you use this “challenge” as a catalyst for becoming a better version of yourself?
- Are you willing to consciously evolve and make the needed changes? If yes. What can you start doing now, today?
I find it beneficial to write the answers with pen and paper.
Thank you for investing your time and attention here with me. I hope this article was helpful.
Take good care of yourself.